Single is the new Married

I'd originally written this in September 2011. As 2011 comes to a close, I wish everyone a happy ME-rriage and wonderful New Year. I am very much enjoying my ME-rriage.

Beyond procreation, what are the (perceived) benefits we receive from marriage?

Security

Love

Someone to rely on

Companionship

... to name a few things.

If you are single, you can cultivate these things with-in yourself and for yourself even as a single person. Create a strong ME-rriage!! Okay perhaps it is without all the hub-bub of wedding planning and the mountain of wedding gifts.. but do you really need another blender?

Marriage is being redefined as we evolve... the reasons your grandparents got married aren't exactly the same reasons you get married. Even beyond that generation, marriage was used to secure land and create family ties, it was business, not love... yet it was security.

Now I have never been married, I've been in committed LTR's and to me that is the same thing and the perceived benefits of that committment include the list above and more. Previously, when the relationship ended so did all of that stuff cuz I thought that by the two of us coming together that that was what created the security, love, companionship. So when he was gone, I had nothing. Today, my ME-rriage is strong within myself and I have all of those things nestled inside of me.

You can be single and miserable or single and ME-rried - your choice.

Tags: cultivate, married, me-rriage, single, zenmermaiden

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Comment by Daniel Garza on December 30, 2011 at 12:04pm: Great message... Thank you... :)

Comment by zenMermaiden on November 8, 2011 at 9:13pm: love you, david.

Comment by David on November 8, 2011 at 8:54pm: LOL LOVE YOU ZEN!!!!!!

Comment by zenMermaiden on November 8, 2011 at 12:59pm: :)

Thank you for your comment today, Christopher.

A perfect test.

Comment by Christopher Witecki on November 8, 2011 at 10:22am: uh, Pisces DENIAL. Nice try, zen.

Comment by Maria Elena on October 31, 2011 at 9:28am: I totally agree with you steph
0X-ME

Comment by Stephanie Foley on October 31, 2011 at 8:47am: I believe that the secret to a great ME-riage is the same as the secret to a great marriage. Whether multiple states of awareness within ourselves (subpersonalities) or two distinct sets of multiple states of awareness (two different people) we must HONOR all of them. A little story to illustrate:

Kelly and Alex are sitting on opposite sides of a table. They are in conflict because Kelly wants apples and Alex wants oranges and they do not see any possibilities about having both. They are each so focused on their desires that it is easy to see how the other is preventing them from having what they want. Kelly finally gives up and decides to go with oranges because she is tired of fighting. However, for years and years Kelly feel like she did not honor herself, and she resents Alex.

What if Kelly and Alex were open to possibilities? What if Kelly decided not to give up on oranges, but instead she stood up, walked over to the other side of the table where Alex was sitting and sat down there next to Alex. What if Kelly and Alex both set the CONFLICT on the OTHER SIDE of the table? From this state of awareness, Kelly and Alex could consider things like:

Is there any possibility of having both apples and oranges?

Why do I really want the apple or the orange?

Do I want the apple or the orange more than I want to enjoy this relationship?

There is a different perspective this way. I know I am oversimplifying it....but there is something to this shift in perception that has helped me to enjoy both my ME-riage and my marriage...

Comment by zenMermaiden on October 30, 2011 at 10:08pm: Mara, I love the description you wrote of your dreams and visions.

It is challenging integrating into singlehood. But whether you are married or single there are others out there living that same reality. It just seems to feel like when I am single everyone is coupled up and when I am in a couplehood everyone is single. Greener grass? hmmm. Contrast I suppose.

I just know that my next relationship will be like none of the previous ones because I attract a different person now. I also know that the new me will be put to the test in a relationship and the only way to figure out more of myself is to allow a relationship to happen. I've been holding out, feeling like I need to tweak more and simultaneously knowing I am enough as is.

Comment by Mara on October 30, 2011 at 8:12pm: Zen, thats really interesting and i am beginning to relate to being the single one amongst the married masses. i am going through a divorce and people are asking how im doing and expressing sympathy like they are sorry, and dont get me wrong im very disappointed and saddened that it didnt work out. but the thing is, that so many of these people are in marriages where they are not happy. I feel like we are looking at eachother thinking how the grass is greener. part of me admires the stick-to-it-ness and i see them admiring me taking the leap and getting my life back. i am actively working on my Me-rriage, but am looking forward to practicing balancing a marriage with the ME-rriage one day.

in my dreams and visions, i really can see a balanced, conscious lifestyle. where 2 individually whole people form a union of our souls whereby we support eachother to be all that each of us can be and are able to weather whatever storm we face. i really do believe its possible to have a LTR that is interwoven with spirituality, emotional intimacy and physical intimacy. i see in this vision a life that will be mutually supportive and accepting. and i also see in my dreams this life requiring effort, maybe maintenance is a better word. where we work through, around, under, over...whatever, but we do it. the marriage supports our freedom and growth, rather than stifles it. the marriage understand the importance of the ME-rriage and not only respects, but emphasizes the nurturing and maintenance of the ME-rriage.

two concious BE-ings that understand the importance of the ME-rriage coming together in marriage... ahhh, thats my dream... and i'm stickin' to it!

i bet you were a beautiful butterfly... and one that offerred loving counsel.... the complete package:)

xoxo,

Mara:)

Comment by zenMermaiden on October 30, 2011 at 5:16pm: Cute Mike! oO O o oO o oO o OO O

Funny that you mention a fly because I was dressed as a butterfly - had sparkly copper, bronze and golden wings.

Thanks for the lovely zenM therapy comment. :)