Scorpio Blog (10/13/11): Forgive them, for they know not what they do…and then what?

In my journey towards healing, I have worked to practice the pillars of a spirit driven life, to include acceptance, unconditional love, gratitude… and forgiveness.

It has been through practicing these fundamentals that I can come to you today…with PEACE.

I recognized early on that the ability to forgive fully, absolutely, and without reservation, would be in fact the "most direct path" to the attainment of my own personal salvation, redemption and atonement.

What I wanted most was to get through this life- changing experience without harboring any feelings of anger or resentment, and to develop the necessary “HEART-set” (get it, mind-set) to be able to release negative energy.

As I looked deeper into what it really meant to forgive, accept and love myself and others without conditions…my road to inner peace and harmony was paved. I watched as I was liberated from the mind and thought patterns that have held me hostage for so many years.

I cannot think of any world religion that does not include teachings on forgiveness. From a Christian upbringing, I was taught to forgive others. I understood forgiveness as a “pardon”… you did this to me, there is a difference or you made a mistake, but I’m going to “excuse” your actions and making the choice whereby ceasing to demand punishment or restitution. Oh, and I will continue to love you. That’s how I understood forgiveness.

To me, forgiveness in the traditional context implied an act “excusing” one’s bad behavior. While it made sense to me, I still didn’t see the direct connection between forgiveness and inner-peace.

In my path towards healing, I have found that many of the Eastern religious beliefs have led me to many “aha” moments and helped me to find many of the pieces that I had been looking for to complete my spiritual- driven life puzzle. The fundamental Buddhist belief and recognition that feelings of hatred and ill-will leave a lasting effect on our mind karma, has been for me, the fast track towards finding peace in my life, both on the interior and the exterior.

Through encouraging the cultivation of thoughts to leave a wholesome effect on my overall wellbeing… I had finally found the sweet- spot that would help me find my way to living a spirit driven life. From my inner core, I developed a deep resonance with the idea that forgiveness is a practice to prevent harmful thoughts from causing havoc on my (mental) well-being.

As I continue on this path of growth and expansion, I have a deeper understanding that it is the mind and consciousness that sways with lack of equilibrium; but awareness does not. Recognition that I am the spaciousness within for which my reality manifests…was critical for my path to inner-peace.

I came to understand that forgiveness was more than just letting go of one's resentment of certain acts of others. It was something more. Forgiveness went one step beyond letting go, it also had a lot to do with acceptance and faith and assisting others in their path to return to love via the awareness of God's loving presence in every thing, every one, and every action.

Early on in my spiritual journey, I quickly bought into the notion that the only thing that was real is love, and everything else is merely an illusion. I knew if I was going to make it through this chapter in my life (healing from separation and divorce) and be whole to begin the next chapter (unwritten!), I would need to seek a greater capacity for love and forgiveness within.

I would make a conscious decision, a pact with myself, to do my best to remember only loving thoughts and let go of any fearful thoughts. Yes, herein lays my path to healing and peace…selective remembering and forgiveness.

In my past, forgiveness was closely related to seeing the guilt in someone. But if we go back to the concept that love is the only thing that is real…well, then guilt would be an illusion.

If I were to see through and beyond the illusions of someone as “guilty” or a “sinner” or “bad”, I would make the choice to see that person as innocent. 

Rather than assuming everyone was conscious, I would make the choice to see everything in context of the premise that love is the only thing that is real and all else is an illusion. So, this would mean that anyone acting outside of love is simply, unconscious.

As Jesus said with eloquent peace, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do”. In other words, forgive them, for they are unconscious.  What I understand today is that Ego driven actions are simply not love, not the actions of the heart…and are merely illusive facades derived from fear.

With this new perspective that love was the only thing that was “real”, my perception of reality began to extend beyond the physical form. When there were shortcomings in myself and others, i now saw them through a space of divine influence… with divine clarity. My basis for forgiveness had less and less to do with my physical perceptions, and began to have everything to do with the my state of inner being within…that only my HEART had the capability to reveal.

So, from a deep sacred space within, I came to understand that being able to forgive is really a derivative in one’s selective ability to choose to remember only loving thoughts of the past. And everything else must be released, let go and forgotten.

What’s my question, you ask?

Well, the question now is when you truly release and let go of the negative thoughts, and you make a choice to only allow loving thoughts to live… the only thoughts that are real would be those of love…then, what is there to forgive?

If we forgive them, for they know not what they do… then what?   What is the relationship between forgiveness…and BOUNDARIES?

Herein lies my past struggles and dilemmas, and what I have recently begun to explore deeply.

I feel in my heart that I “get it” when it comes to forgiveness. But the question I have is in order to be forgiving, how do I avoid sacrificing my boundaries?

My first answer (which is coming from my heart, so its likely the “right” answer) is that if I’m truly living based on love and the principles of a spirit driven life, the laws of co-creation will create the boundaries as necessary. My HEART will provide the protection I need to not only survive, but flourish in the richness of all that is, the divinity of God Universe.

But if I ask that question and wait for my mind to answer, I always come back to a FEAR- related response.  

Forgiveness won’t sacrifice our boundaries, it will clarify them!   I return to the idea that if I am driving through life in my HEART-car, I am safe. All IS well in my world, and all WILL CONTINUE to be well in my world.

Please don’t misinterpret what I am saying. I do recognize the importance of boundaries and that they are a healthy and critical part of our spiritual foundation, our expansion and growth. I think for me, especially considering the recent and rapid pace of my growth, it is important for me to make a conscious effort to maintain awareness of my boundaries.

I must ask my HEART for the answer. DEAR HEART: is this situation okay with you? Am I truly safe? Do I feel compromised in any way? Am I in vibrational alignment with ME? Am I in the vortex?

If the answer is no, then I must make a conscious decision to act. Take action in whatever LOVING means so that my HEART can answer: yes, all is well in our world, and you are protected and safe.

I am the only one that can allow another to violate my boundaries. My power is from within and no one can take that away… because I AM CONSCIOUS.

 
What I am working on is becoming more comfortable “confronting” others when they have crossed my boundaries and letting them know that it is not okay with me. When I think of the word “confronting” I think of negative energy, being angry and a dramatic event.

But I believe that as I continue to practice the fundamentals of a spirit- driven life (forgiveness, acceptance, love and gratitude) and continue to live my life CONSCIOUSLY… I will not only become more comfortable “confronting” others, but “confrontation” will change to a graceful, loving understanding and will become gentle clarifications to others of what is okay and what is not.

I don’t know if this is making sense, but what I am affirming is that when you are living consciously from a loving present space, healthy boundaries can be established with grace, love and with peace. Creating boundaries from a space of FEAR is what creates the negative energy. Again, it’s only when (boundaries) are created through the mind and ego (FEAR) that there is anger, resentment and hostility.

I recognize that much of my struggle with boundaries is because I was operating under the leadership of my mind. My ego was leading me around this life in response to my fears… self-doubt, lack of confidence and self- worth… this is what has caused my boundaries to weaken.

In my close LTRs I have been afraid to assert my boundaries, for fear of the consequences…that they would leave and I would be left alone. So what did I do? I allowed others to take my power and left it up to them to establish the boundaries… And then I would assess whether I felt comfortable with the relationship or situation.

I resigned my power and my responsibility as an active “SOUL GUARDIAN”. I delegated the role of determining what was best for ME, to the other person in the relationship.

And what happened nearly every time is that these individuals in my life left anyway. They chose to have no further contact with me.   And I would be left feeling intense pain, and my heart was broken into pieces.

But through my SOUL journey to find and love and nourish my SOUL, I have come to recognize that I do not define my security and self worth from anyone or anything on the exterior. If these people do not want me in their life, that’s okay because all that really matters is that I want ME around and I respect myself enough to make the right choices to protect and honor who I am.

For the first time, I can say I am experiencing an organic and authentic LTR with ME!!!

What I understand more and more is that boundaries are really just another form of communicating. It doesn’t have to be an ultimatum. It’s not a threat or even a promise. What boundaries are is a way to let someone know what IS okay with your HEART, and what IS NOT okay with your HEART. And when combined with forgiveness, the past hurt is left in the past.

By communicating from a space of SELF- LOVE with your partner what your HEART will permit and what it will not permit, you are giving the other person the FREEDOM and LIBERTY to make their own choices and decisions.

And regardless of whether they are conscious or not, and regardless of their “choice” (to stay or leave), I have made a promise to ME, that I will follow my heart. And truly following my HEART will provide me with more security, safety and protection that only I can provide for myself.

So, thank you for walking through this with me.

Living consciously, under the direction of my heart, has changed my life to be less chaotic, more enjoyable and opened the space for so much expansion and growth.

There are definitely “realities” of my situation that may seem “difficult” and even “unbelievable”, but the chaos of a person causing unnecessary drama in my life has been reduced to near elimination.

I CONCIOUSCLY protect the space within to allow for peace in my life. I can say now that I freely and consciously choose the people and the activities in my life. I am living at a different elevation, a higher plane. And, again, it all started with love for ME.  By returning to love, everything else fell into place…with the most divine order.

So, what about forgiveness and selectively remembering only loving thoughts? Does this mean if we forget about the hurtful actions of what someone “did to us”, that we are allowing them to hurt us again? No. Not if we honor ourselves and live with ESTEEM.

Forgiveness means that we recognize that the other person is doing the best they can do with the resources, skills and life experiences they have. Forgiveness comes from a place of compassion within.

If we release (forgive) the illusions of a hurtful past, rely on the protection that only can come from self-love and listening to our HEART... we can free our energy to flow and contribute to the healing of the world. Anger and fear cannot co-create a peaceful Universe.

Forgiveness cannot be a part-time job. No one is perfect and our ego will show up when we least expect it, but this is what makes the practice such a divine calling.

Letting go of the past, in our most intimate relationship as well as in any collective production...This is where our shift takes flight… The world’s opportunity for real change lies in fundamentals of forgiveness…

Many thanks for the opportunity (and patience) to express, explore and heal.

Namaste,

Mara:)